Sheridan College in Ontario was locked down last Friday because it was suspected a gunman was on the premises. Thankfully, it was a false alarm, but how do you mistake a gunman? Apparently, all it took was a lone photographer, some camouflage cargo pants and his free-standing tripod.
The emergency services were alerted by a professor and his eight students, who all reported they had seen a suspicious man carrying a "long, tubular object." Following a campus lockdown and a thorough two-hour search, nothing was found. Information incoming across the weekend has indicated a photographer with a tripod was the reason for the disturbance, though he has yet to be located and spanked for all the fuss he caused. Let this be a lesson to you camouflage-cargo pants-wearing weirdos; don't wear camouflage cargo pants. You're not in the army, you suck. Talking of things that suck, according to a satirical joke we are about to make, the NRA was said to be very disappointed about there being one less gun on the streets. We don't doubt it.
